John Makes Eight

John and Mary in the orphanage play room
Mary is not letting John throw blocks












St. Sava Church in Belgrade, Serbia




Duane and John playing with bubbles

John and Mary rocking on the horse!!!

(above) John in an orphanage daze






Reverse feeding-->



(Below) Result of American bombings 1995







Duane holding John during an emotional melt down. We interrupted his wild toy throwing behavior.




Hotel Balkan....so nice!!!


























John Saying "NO-NO" to the water on his first
family vacation in September 2007






John on his first family vacation in September 2007. (below) Easter 2007 Casey, Christian, and
John.


We continued to search for our older child on the Christian site. But, I did not feel that any of the children I looked at were mine. Then a message came onto one of my adoption boards which said "this little boy has blonde hair and blue eyes. He is one trip and both parents are required to travel." A BOY!!!! But, where is my older
GIRL??? This little boy was considered special needs and he was indeed considerably delayed. He lived in the Belgrade Serbia Baby Orphanage. We began to work on his adoption in July of 2006!!! I knew he was meant to be ours. This photo was taken about two weeks after we were home...what a change in this little boy!!!! COOL JOHN!!!!

We sent our dossier in to the Serbian Ministry in September (we also gave our first Russian dossier...for Annie....in September two years before). The holidays came and went without a travel date for our boy. He turned two years old in October 2006. I had really wanted to bring him home before Christmas, but, it was not part of God's plan. We first learned of John in July and we waited month after month for the Serbian Ministry to invite us to adopt John-John. It was so agonizing to wait and no word came for our travel date. That is typical of Serbian adoption. The wait is horrible.

All the time they continue to try to get domestic families to take the child. So it is also very insecure. Finally, the week after Christmas, we had a travel date of January 22, 2007. Time drug by and it finally got to the time we were to leave. All our bags were packed and we were set to go. When we arrived, the orphanage doctor picked us up from the airport with her girlfriend. They are both very sweet woman. Dr. J helped us in every way she could.

Initially, we intended to rent an apartment. However, when we walked into the apartment it strongly smelled of cigarette smoke mingled with a dirty dingy smell like long used auto oil. The bed had a deep depression in the mattress where someone had been laying there for a good long while. Later we came to find out that the owner of the apartment died in the bed and was bed-ridden for a while. YUCK!!!! Duane was so tired he jumped into the bed and snoozed away. Not me!!!

Mary and I slept sitting up on the couch in the living room which smelled like car oil. The next morning we were taken to the ministry to review the child's medicals and get permission to make contact with him. Duane, Dr. J, and I walked over to the orphanage. I was quite anxious to met our little boy. When we walked up to the building it appeared well kept on the outside. But, when we walked into the building the air was very thick with cigarette smoke. People were actually smoking inside the building on all floors.

We were taken upstairs to an office located on the baby floor. This floor was also very heavy with smoke. It was shocking to me because, even though everyone smokes in Russia and Ukraine, I never saw anyone smoking around the children or in the orphanages. The building was almost hazy in the late afternoon with smoke. As we walked down the hall I recognized our boy right away.

He was sitting on the lap of a care giver with his face turned away from her. She was feeding him in a reverse position (see photo above). We proceeded to follow Dr. J to her office. A few moments later they brought John into the room. He was small and he did not look well at all. In fact, I could see he was very ill. I asked Dr. J if he was sick and she said yes very and they were giving him medication. John-John sat in Duane's lap and did not feel like playing.

Another thing of great concern to me was that he did not respond to his own name (Luka). When I would say "Luka" he acted as though he did not know his name. There was no response to it at all. When I tried to hug him he pulled away from me and would not let me touch him. So, Duane just sat there holding him while I tried to interact with him. Even little Mary tried to interact....but, it was a no go. He was in his own little world.

Then Dr. J suggested we take him into the play room. Now, one important thing to know, is that these babies spent many many many hours confined to their beds. They sleep a lot and they all suck their fingers for stimulation and comfort. The care givers do not interact much with these children. They just busily go about doing their duties and seldom talk to the children. I found them many times smoking in the open door break room at the end of the hall on the baby floor.
I brought these issues to the attention of Dr. J and she began to work on making changes. Dr. J adores these children and wants the very best for them.

When the children did get out of bed, they were placed in their sleeping room floor with toys. No attendant stays with them and they play alone with each other. The care givers place a mattress across the door or other types of barricades to keep them in their rooms. This play room we were taken to with John was not used. I could tell that by the dust and the fact that I placed the toys in certain places.

Those toys were never moved. It was very sad. They do keep nicer toys in each room in a laundry basket and I believe they alternate those toys from room to room. They just need more human contact...my opinion....of course from my observations. On the "up" side....the children are really well fed. They have appropriate shoes and clothes. Additionally, they use disposable diapers and do have some therapeutic intervention for various children (not all). I don't think my child received these services.

Back to the story..........I decided to go through the one basket with toys in the unused play room and take out the better ones. Then I set aside the broken ones. Duane and I set up a little play area. One area with cars, another with blocks, a few puzzles in another area, and some human figures of a family. Following our visit, we went to pack up our things in the yucky apartment and move to a better place. Dr. J knew the apartment was a big problem for me and so she helped us find another arrangement. We spent the next two and a half weeks in the Hotel Balkan which was very nice.

The next day, when we went to visit John, I went into his room and the care giver changed his diaper for me. I had bought John-John some little soft leather shoes and she put those on him. He really was not steady on his feet when walking. I felt he may be able to walk a little better in soft sole shoes. Next, we went into the playroom. He still did not like being held and was very stiff in my arms.

It was shocking when I put him down and he ran over to the blocks and just started throwing them wildly hand over fist!!! Mary's little mouth was hanging wide open in surprise. For the last almost twelve years I have owned a developmental care center for young children. I am particularly qualified to work with developmental delays. I have occupational and language development therapist who come into the school to work with my kids.

Mary and all my children (except the two grown ones) attended my developmental school. So, little Mary knew this was not acceptable. I walked across the room and took both his hands and said "NO" "DON'T" "THROW". He briefly looked up at me and tried to grab blocks again. Duane came across the room and picked him up and held him snugly in a time-out. In the above picture...John is having a big melt down because we would not allow him to throw toys everywhere.

When Duane and I went back to our hotel suite, I told Duane that I believed John had autism and he may turn into a violent child. If this were to happen he might hurt the other children or later us when is a teenager. I said that I felt we should not take him. I might as well said jump out a window from the 9th floor!!! He was furious with me and screamed at his agony to me. Then he turned to the door and left.

I thought "oh my goodness....where could he be going?" I cried and paced the hotel suite for a while. Then I called room service and got Mary some food after which I gave her a bath for bed. I tucked her in and read her favorite story to her so she would calm down. Duane is a very easy going guy and it takes a lot to blow his smoke stack. But, that's exactly what I had done by saying we should not take him. Duane said things to me that day, and talked to me in such a harsh way, like he has NEVER done before.

Several hours later he returned to the hotel. Mary was sound asleep. While Duane was out I had called Dr. J and explained how concerned I was about the child. I ask her if we turned him down would the ministry allow us to look at another child??? She flat out said "If you should ask this thing, they will be angry, and you will not adopt". I told her Duane was mad at me and he had gone out to cool off as he was very verbally mean earlier. About that time Duane walked into the room. I told Dr. J that he had returned so I had to go. I also included that we would be at the orphanage in the morning.

Duane came into the room and sincerely apologized to me for his earlier behavior. He just was so upset that we would travel all this way, spending thousands of dollars on dossier, doctor, plane flight, travel in country, lodging costs, and more without giving "his" little boy a chance. My gosh I felt bad when he said "his little boy". He also said "Trisha...this little boy is counting on us to get him out of here and into a good life....he's counting on us!!!" I hugged him and ask him to forgive me. At this point I decided that we would adopt him. At the next visit, I did a developmental assessment. He was very delayed and I began to formulate an intervention plan for his developmental delays and possible autism.

YEAH!!!! Dr. J came into the playroom that next morning with an antibiotic for John and he began to respond in a few days. In fact, he stopped going nuts with the toys. He began to realize that certain toys were to be played with in particular areas. He also learned that he was not to remove his beads I put on his neck and throw them across the room. In the picture above he is rocking on the horse with Mary and wearing his beads. Then we walked up and down the halls to strengthen his legs and steady his gait. I was very impressed by the way the orphanage daze left his face and he stopped repeatedly tapping his cheek while staring blankly.

We continued to visit and at the end of our trip we adopted our little boy. He has peeled his past off layer by layer since coming home. John-John is very aware of his environment now and is potty training successfully. Best of all....he is beginning to talk. Praise God and give Him glory as He knew this was our son, even when I did not. John is so loving now. He freely gives kisses and when I hold him he gently pats my back. I do love him so very much. I thank God and ask Him to bless His designated angel in Serbia Dr.J as she watches over the Lord's own children. Let me close this post by saying what a horrible mistake I would have made had I not taken our sweet little boy. I can not imagine my life without John-John. Thank-you Dr. J!!!!