Thursday, June 12, 2008

Transition

The Gartner Gang



Recap of pictures already posted!!!!
Today my friend came over and she helped me with some laundry and to get Katie Aunna and Annie to their therapies. It was quite nice to have a little help. Our SW for our home study agency also came out to meet Katie and she helped me do some laundry.....it was so nice as there is soooo much of it!!!! Anyway, we are heavily in transition now. Katie and I are still in the honeymoon phase of adjustment. But, we are settling into real life nicely with the other kids and they are doing well with the new changes in the family. I hope those who read this blog and are waiting to become international adoptive parents or have already become IA parents relate to this process through my blog. It's tougher than one might imagine!!!

So, if I ramble a bit trying to get all my thoughts and experiences into order, please excuse me for that. It seems with each addition to our precious family there are moments during the day that I think "GOSH!!!! Am I in over my head?"....ha ha. Duane laughs at (with) me when I say that and he always responds with "Of course you are honey...but time will smooth it over" and a big chuckle;-). He knows I will adjust and the kids will adjust, too. Then everything will run in a smooth flow!!!

Although, after this adoption, I am looking at things a bit differently than before. I am thinking about all those hormonal teenagers in this house someday soon!!! Heck....10 years goes by pretty fast!!!! That would make Casey 24 (hopefully not living at home anymore and working in Duane's business like Casey says he wants to do), Karissa and Christian 17 (getting ready to go to college), Katie Aunna 16, Annie 15, Mary 14, and John-John 13....YIKES!!!! It should be highly interesting. I'll try to blog that some day...ha ha. BTW....I will be 61 and Duane 66 y/o in ten years;-). We will have spent 41 years with children in our marriage by that point and married for 45 years!!!

As a result of looking ten years into the future....it becomes even more important to me to keep their home school alive and well so they will not be exposed. Exposed to people that I don't approve of who might lead them to bad choices and away from their best friend Jesus. My dear girl friend said to me "Oh, Trisha...you are a survivor. You will always do whats best for your family." You know....all those nice things that GFs say because they love you;-). Thanks be to God!!! I also realize how important a good transition means to the mental and physical health of that new child and tapping into the potential within them.

Although, we have experienced adoptions from both good and not so good institutions, each child has had some related issues from their previous environment that needed to be worked out of the child. These behaviors vary and are unique in some ways and universal in others. Katie Aunna is just crushed when I say "No, not your way, but Mom's". But, bless her heart, she obeys (a little begrudgingly) and accepts my decisions. Her love for me is immense and for her family. Katie appreciates Duane and I in a way, that our children grown from babies, do not. I love this older adoption experience we are having with Katie Aunna. She is perfect for us and we are for her. She has become a full fledged member of the Gartner pack...so to speak....also among the children!!!
Oh yes, and Katie Aunna now has glasses 3Xs stronger than her orphanage pair and her prescription sunglasses came in yesterday. She is enjoying her view of the world now both indoors and out. I am expecting a little stronger lens with her next check up in August. She can not sit on the couch to watch television without squinting. Katie can see TV at about four feet away. However, at the rate she is learning her English....we should get a good exam this next visit. Then comes the DENTIST in Fall. He is the painless dentist though....thank the Lord!!!
Mary Beth, on the other hand, is tiny on the outside and huge on the inside. Mary's fearlessness sometimes scares me and I worry about her future. All the children watch Mary and are protective about what she attempts, interceding often with a stern "NO". It is most important for her to be protected from the world until she is old enough to think about what she wants and how it relates to her own safety. Her spirit is MIGHTY and she needs to be developed into a leader. She is smart as can be and should do something great with her life!!!! Her head is hard as stone. Change/Conflict for Mary Beth is a fun challenge and she likes the thrill of conquering it. She walks tall (in her size 3T clothes at age 4 years old)!!! However, Katie Aunna has really been determined that Mary wetting in her "Pamper-a" must stop. Usually, in Russian orphanages, the children potty train very early to conserve diapers. "That's a girl, Katie Aunna, lets put that diaper money in a college fund!"

Mary being Mary!!!


But, inside Mary's heart she is filled with a great love for her family and kindness once she gets past being ornery. She would protect her family like a little wild hog...ha ha!!!

Christian wants to please his Mama and he tries so hard. I hurt my back a few days ago and he has virtually bent over backwards to be supportive. He does have a boiling point, though not quickly reached, then he gets a little stubborn. But, all in all, he loves his life and soaks up any praise given to him like candy;-). Christian and Karissa are the informants. All happenings are reported by them. He expects everyone to follow the rules.....ha ha.....but, wants everyone to cut him slack for bending the rules;-). He also likes organization and does not do well with rapid change. It shocks him. But, when it comes to helping his Mom.....he's the one who is always there.

Casey is a sponge hungry for information. Because he is so smart and knows about many things in his environment....he gets into trouble often. Touchy-feelie of everything because he thinks he understands it. But, he is also a very loving person who holds a deep respect and appreciation of his family and his family history as our only bio-baby. I look at him and see my dear late father in this child. He acts like, looks like, and thinks like my Daddy. His features are identical to pictures of my father when he was a young boy!!! It's pretty cool. His good looks and behavior let me know (along with Annie) that my dear late parents are really near by.


Casey's protective big brother mode.


The "older" girls.....ha ha!!!
Karissa is beautiful. She is graceful and delicate like a beautiful Ukrainian woman. Small bones, tall, strong, and slender with much grace and beauty. Katie Aunna looks so much like Karissa it is amazing. I often confuse them from behind (especially when sitting together) and call Katie Aunna "Karissa". Katie even carries her self much like Karissa. I love that Karissa has a ROYAL self assurance about her existence in the world and yet still needs her brother Christian. They are truly attached to one another in body, mind, and spirit. I swear Karissa can scrape her knee in the front yard and Christian comes out of the backyard with a scraped knee, too. They are very much a unit of two children acting as one child. They are also great at aligning with each other against their siblings!!!

Annie is a sweet little girl, though tall and thin, strong like a green tree branch. She has exactly Duane's long slender toes!!! She also looks so much like my little sister, Phyllis, that I am not sure if God took their characteristics from the two and actually made Annie for me;-). I will post Annie and my sister's picture again so you can see how much she looks like Phyllis. Annie is not as physically healthy as the other children due to her mild CP. She is in therapy several times per week by different professionals to keep her CP in check. I would love to avoid any surgeries on her legs. Annie is a very loving and lovable child. Although, when she does naughty things she tries to hide it. I always find out and she blames Mary!!! Ha Ha!!! Annie also is a big family person and enjoys her life very much. She has anxiety when she has to make contact with strangers and she is well bonded to Duane and I (Sib's as well).

Now, the baby of the family, John-John. He is a very quite little boy!!! His life revolves around eating, potty training, sleep, and lots of play. He was very weak when we first got him. However, John-John is gaining strength every day and improves with his speech delays (now that he is recovering from separation trauma while we were away). He is the most delayed developmentally of all the kids and requires special attention. Due to feeding circumstances in his orphanage he still can not chew very well. He has the ability to chew, but, would just rather be fed like a bird. That is, at top speed (like a baby bird from it's mother) and in a belly stuffing amount. A few big belches and a potty break, John-John is off to play his toys. Happy go lucky with life!!!

John-John the day we met him in the orphanage in Serbia. Such an empty look in his eyes!!!


John-John and Papa the night before we left Serbia for America with him. We had spent three weeks in Serbia with him at this point. He knew life was getting better every day and that these people (Duane, Mary, and I) loved him. We took Mary to Serbia and she really helped him become happy in Serbia with her carefree attitude and courageous spirit!!!
John-John swims with his head under water confidently.

He amazes me with the amount of food he is able to gobble up in one meal!!!! It all must be soft foods that he can practically swallow whole. The faster the better for this little fellow. Maybe, he will truly believe one day that "There IS more! Slow down take time to chew and enjoy the meal". He has progressed on this issue greatly. I am slowly getting him to accept more and more solid foods without choking from trying to swallow it whole and grab the next bite.

But, by and large, he is the most physically loving child a parent could ever want. Nothing makes his little heart race like when I pick him up and kiss and hug on him. Then he squirms down from my arms and he is off to P-L-A-Y!!!!! Periodically, he comes to see if I am here and then returns to his toys. John-John has always done this since he came home.

John-John sitting outside with me one early morning on the patio;-).


I am so thankful to God that He has chose me to be over loaded with kids...ha ha. Let's see....that's many spills to wipe, tears to dry, brawls to referee, accidental wetting of pants to change, year round school to operate, and a lot of laundry every day (3 loads for the boys, 3 loads for the girls, a combined red load of boys/girls clothes, plus one load each of towels and cleaning cloths). Meal preparation requires all the big kids (Casey, the twins, and Katie) to make, serve, and clean up. I'm hyper and keep a very neat house.

Duane asked me to get a domestic helper...I hired three house keepers to come in and clean during the week. It helps so much as they change bed sheets, do dusting, floors, and scouring. So that's nice. But, a nanny is out of the question. I don't want to miss or share one minute of my time with my precious little ones and I am selfish as I want them to only bond with me;-).

So I am at times feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, still fighting some jet lag, readjusting to our new one and integrating her into "our" routine. However, I am enjoying them all so much!!! I realize how fast the next 10 years will fly past me and I want to enjoy as much of these days as possible!!!!
Also, I want to mention that although we did not like staying 27 days in Russia away from our family here (the kids here suffered for our return) it was a good bonding time for Duane, Katie, and me. It gave me the opportunity to re-direct many of Katie Aunna's institutional behaviors while in Russia and it helped her to conform to our ways. She really got to know Duane and I and trust us completely by the time we left Russia. She also more easily blended with our other kids because she and I talked about home so much during this time. I love that picture I posted a while back where Katie is blending with her siblings. She looks so gracefully natural in the group of her siblings in America...her forever family!!!! BEAUTIFUL!!!!

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